Dude........Where's your car?

Oh, about 3/4 of a mile down the road, partly in the ditch. Just how much of a dumbass can I be? The weathermen have been reporting for days that a big ice storm was headed our way. They even told us exactly when it would arrive........(early yesterday morning). So, around ten I head out to wallyworld to lay in a few needed supplies to get ready for my hunkering down period. No problem, the streets were salted & my trip was un-eventfull. Had a pot of chicken & noodles made. Had a marathon of 'The Actors Studio' recorded, and was set for a couple days of cabin fever.

Around 4:00, I made a fresh pot of coffee & headed for the computer to troll the internet. Lauren & a couple of her friends came over to sled down my steep driveway. They had a blast, came in to thaw out & snacked on my pot of goodies. After they had gone, I'm back to the computer, my coffee, &, oh wait, where are my cigarettes? I still had a couple, but I know I bought a pack at wallyworld this morning! I hunt for fifteen minutes or so, to no avail. God ! Maybe I left them on the counter, hope whoever picked them up is having a guilty conscious! Well. it is 5:45, the five o'clock traffic is still out there, so the streets will still be salty. I grab my wallet & head for the Conoco station. I get about a 1/2 mile down the road & everything turns to shit....I mean solid ice....& there is a hill right in front of me, & a deep drop-off into a creek to my left. I lose all control of my car even tho I am going at a snails pace. The gears and brakes are of no use, and I can't remember what I'm supposed to do in this situation! I had a 'Jesus take the wheel' moment. It's getting dark out, I can't even find the moon! So, I just pray. I am finally able to maneuver away from the big dropoff & creek, find a level 'ditch', and slide the rear end of my car onto the grass. THANK YOU GOD! The only problem now is, the front end of my car is sitting smack dab halfway into the lane of traffic. I'll just have to pray there are no more idiots out there traveling this particular road tonite. I lock the car & start my trek to the house.. In my ZORIES... No scarf, no cap, no cell phone, no closed toe'd shoes.......just zories. The walk home was a breeze....I was amazed........no moon, but I could see just fine, it must have been hiding behind the stormy weather. I didn't even get worn out from the walk. This is a miracle in itself, because the most exercise I get in a day is walking from my bedroom to the kitchen.....

So, now I'm safe & thawed out in my home. Still not satisfied regarding my cigarette purchase, I'm on a serious HUNT. Let me dig thru my walmart sacks for my receipt, to be absolutely positive I did purchase cigarettes! YEAH, I found the sack with the receipt........and, ready for this? my pack of marlboro lights.

I get out the Newcastle phone book, find the Police Station #, tell the Officer my tale of woe. 'Well, ma'am, we can't leave the vehicle there, someone will hit it. I will have to send a wrecker'. Thoughts of the balance in my checking account melting away hit me. 'Oh, will a wrecker come out tonite'? I ask........'yes, ma'am'....'okay then, I will call AAA'. 'Okay ma'am, have a nice nite'....Thank you. 'Hello, AAA, I need a wrecker'...........'what is your account # please' '123456789'.. 'Sorry ma'am, that account expired January 2008' 'You are kidding me, it says 2009 on my card'. 'Yes, we send a new card out with each renewal statement, but you never renewed your policy'...........Well, shit, now what? So, I make that DREADED call to Vicki, dreaded, because now I have to let her know of my stoooooooooopid blunder, and because I know she is going to say 'why in the world did you even leave the house'?

Uh,'hello'........blah, blah, blah, blah..........'Ya, Mother, I saw you pull out of the driveway right behind John....why in the world did you even leave the house'? When do parent/children rolls reverse? It's been going on here for quite a while! We discussed my options: call the police back & have it towed,..expensive, but not as expensive as $500.00 deductable on my insurance, when someone plows into my car!.......okay, I'll have it towed.

'Newcastle Police Department'.....'hi, I just called awhile ago'......'yes, ma'am, I've sent an Officer to assess your situation'.... 'My AAA membership has expired, so, can you send a wrecker'? 'Yes, ma'am, Bo's Wrecker is the next rotation, however, it will be sent to an impound lot'. (more $$$$ going thru my mind) ' Did you leave the keys in the vehicle'? 'If not, you will need to meet the wrecker guy & pay him before he will tow it'. 'OMG!, I'll have to walk back down there', says me. So, the dipatcher says he will see if an Officer can pick me up & take me there & call me back. 'Hello'.......'hello, Mrs. King'? ''yes'...........'well, Bo's can't come out tonite, it's too icy, so I suggest we just pray no one else drives that road tonite & your car does'nt get hit.......amen'

My phone rings @7:05 this morning & it's the police dispatcher telling me someone will be over in a few minutes to pick me up & take me to my car. We arrive at the scene, & there it sits, not a scratch on it. He gets out, starts it up & drives it onto a layer of new snow. I thank him profusely.........but waited until I was alone to cry....and thank God once again, for getting me out of another one of my messes.